Midnight of the Heart
by DezoPenguin
Summary: When Fate returns home following three years of deep-space missions, she is forced to confront emotions and relationships she'd thought she'd tried to cut herself off from. Much angst, some Yuunoha, some NanoFate, and Vivio as an allegory?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: For this story, I decided to use honorifics, since I figured (not unlike in my Tokyo Babylon fics) that their use is a major tag for how the characters interact with one another, and because the cast is so small I don't need to worry about making any usage blunders (very much unlike _Kannazuki no Shimai_)! Then I realized that I have _no idea whatsoever_ what Fate and Yuuno call each other. So, feel free to correct me and I'll fix that part._

_Revised A/N (6/25/10): I updated the story to re-insert scene breaks when fanfiction dot net's formatting change removed them all, and I've changed the flawed honorifics as long as I was tinkering with it!_

~X X X~

"I'm home!"

She said it reflexively. The door opened, she walked inside, and the announcement left Fate T. Harlaown's lips.

_That was a mistake_, she thought an instant later, even though there was some justification. The door lock still responded to her palm, after all. She could walk in and out at a whim. _But it was a mistake._

"Fate-chan!" Nanoha Takamichi's head snapped up and around. Her wide blue eyes were shining, her smile instant, full of surprise and happiness. "You were supposed to-"

Her complaint about Fate not calling to let her know she'd arrived was interrupted by a small blonde missile that burst out of the kitchen and clamped its arms around Fate's thighs as tightly as any binding spell.

"Fate-mama! You're home!" squealed seven-year-old Vivio, burying her face against Fate's waist. Fate rested her free hand lightly on the girl's head.

"Hello, Vivio. You've grown a lot."

"Mmmm!" she answered excitedly and nodded. This made her turn her face up to Fate, showing off features still childishly round and cute, and mismatched eyes, one red, one green.

Funny that a girl's face could sum up the major dilemma of Fate's life.

She wanted to put her arms around Vivio and answer the hug with one of her own, but she didn't. What was the point of spending nearly three years on deep space missions if she was going to backslide the instant she came through the door?

"Is something wrong, Fate-mama?"

_Yes, but nothing you can fix, so it's not for you to worry about it._ She was a perceptive child, though; she took after her parents that way. Fate would have to do a better job of controlling herself.

"No, Vivio, nothing's wrong. I just haven't seen everyone in so long; it's a powerful feeling."

"Mmm! Nanoha-mama and Yuuno-papa and I all missed you, too!"

She was ready for that one, at least. It tore into her like a blade spearing through her chest, but she swallowed the pain and kept herself from flinching.

_Why does it hurt so much to get what I wanted?_

By that point, Nanoha's arms were around her in a hello hug, a firm squeeze of affection. The contact was electric; Fate felt as if their uniforms weren't even there, skin pressed against skin, and she began to tremble again, this time through her whole body.

"Fate-chan?" Nanoha said hesitantly, sensing that something was wrong, but she was interrupted.

"Sorry I didn't come out at once; I was basting the roast and dinner would have been ruined if I'd stopped." He came out of the kitchen wearing a poofy chef's hat and a pink apron over his shirt and trousers. His name was Yuuno Scrya, mage, archaeologist, and one of Fate and Nanoha's childhood friends. He had blond hair a shade lighter and nearly as long as Fate's and his green eyes were hidden behind glasses. Yuuno was smiling broadly, but Fate caught just a flash of something in his eyes, a momentary reaction to seeing Fate with Nanoha's arms around her.

Yes, Yuuno would understand.

"Yuuno," she greeted him happily. That was the worst of it. She _liked_ Yuuno. She genuinely _was_ happy to see him. It would all have been so much easier if she didn't, if she hated him, if she wanted to snap his damned ferret neck, if the idea of him having anything to do with the raising of her daughter revolted her. Then Fate could have been honest, not have to stand in front of the people she loved best and lie through her teeth.

"Fate; it's good to see you. I wish we had something better to offer you for dinner..."

She shook her head.

"Oh, no. I didn't call ahead or anything. I didn't want you making a big deal over me." She pouted slightly and added, "Chrono is already doing that. He says he and Amy are going to be throwing a welcome-home party tomorrow night." _If he wasn't, would I even be here? Or am I just using the fact that my brother would invite them anyway as an excuse to come see them?_

"Poor Fate-chan, having to put up with all the family and friends who care for you," Nanoha mocked. "How long will you be back for?"

"I'm not sure. They want me for the trial on the Excellon case, but my testimony won't take more than a day or two at most. The case was complex, but there's very little ambiguity so it's really just a matter of leading the Court through the steps of the investigation."

"I heard about that," Yuuno said. "That was the case where the criminal syndicate was harvesting resources from Non-Administered Planet 14 on behalf of the Excellon Corporation?"

Kind Yuuno, to steer the conversation to safe ground.

"Yes. With their political backing we were unable to press charges against the corporation's board, but one of their major divisions will take the fall as well as the harvesters themselves, so I think we can count it as a success. After that, I'm sure that they'll find something else for me to do soon enough."

"In that case, we'll have to pack in as much fun time as possible!"

"Um, Nanoha, I'm going to be spending most of my time working..."

"Fate-chan, we barely get to see you any more. We'll _make_ time!"

_Knowing Nanoha, she will, too._ Probably, Fate wouldn't fight too hard, either. She _wanted_ to go places with Nanoha and have fun together and just _be_ with her. Time and distance had done nothing at all to dim those feelings.

_This was definitely a mistake_.

She was going to tear up, she could tell. Her control was slipping badly, and it wasn't going to hold much longer. She needed time. _Damn it, I can't make a scene now..._

Yuuno came to her rescue.

"Nanoha, I'm sure Fate needs to check into her hotel and have dinner and rest after her trip."

Fate nodded.

"That's right."

"You came here first?" Nanoha asked. "Fate-chan, that's so sweet!"

"Fate-mama can't stay for dinner?"

"No she can't, but don't worry, Vivio. I'm sure we'll see lots of Fate-chan while she's here."

"Yay!" Vivio exclaimed gleefully. Both she and Nanoha had sparkling, happy expressions, but when Fate glanced up at Yuuno, she saw something different.

She couldn't get it out of her mind all the way over to the hotel. The room she'd reserved turned out to be a nice suite with a balcony.

_Stupid,_ she berated herself again. _Stupid, stupid, stupid Fate! I shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have seen them again. I should have just come here, kept my head down, done my job and got out again!_

But she hadn't been able to help herself. The moment her feet had hit the Mid-Childan surface, the wound she'd thought had been cicatrized over had burst open, what had been a dull ache turned into a burning need to see them, touch them, hear their voices.

_They're not yours anymore,_ she told herself bitterly. _Vivio isn't your daughter, and Nanoha isn't-_

But no, that was a lie. Nanoha _was_ still her everything. It was just the converse that wasn't true.

Fate dropped onto the bed. She was trembling again, shaking like a leaf. Now that she was alone, behind closed doors, there was no need for control, no need to maintain a facade. She lay on her back, staring off at nothing.

And her brother expected her to go to a _party_, of all things?

~X X X~

_"Fate, when was the last time you took a vacation?"_

_"What would be the point?"_

_"Everyone needs down time, little sister. You've been on active status for the better part of three years now, constantly in the field. You barely keep in touch, you almost never see your friends, and you're not making any new ones."_

_"How would you-"_

_"There's such a thing as field reports, you know. Every superior you've had since the Jail Scaglietti incident reports your performance as exceptional, your demeanor professional, and that while unfailingly polite and kind you never socialize with anyone more than is absolutely necessary."_

_"What the _hell_ are you doing, snooping in my records? Those are supposed to be for internal use only!"_

_"An Admiral can pull a string or two, call in a favor, particularly when he's _concerned about his little sister!"

_"Don't be."_

_"Damn it, Fate, you're cutting yourself off from everything outside of work!"_

_"I am not!"_

_"You forgot Mother's birthday this year."_

_She'd been struck speechless, because he was right._

_"I've sent the time and place to Bardiche. Be there. Spend some time with the people who care about you, before you burn yourself out."_

~X X X~

Fate rolled over and punched the pillow, a useless action that suited her feelings. Why couldn't Chrono see? Work _was_ her time off. It was her personal life, her human contacts that were causing her problems. In the field she could put those feelings behind her, get some relief from the pain and stress. What was the alternative? "Getting it all out?" or "talking it through"? What good would that do? It wasn't like she didn't know what was bothering her. She knew it all too well, in every detail. The truth would just be a burden to her friends and if she tried to cover it up with a happy face, she'd just be lying. And everyone who meant something to her knew not only Fate, but Nanoha and Yuuno besides. Was it any wonder she was more comfortable with co-workers who knew Nanoha only as a name, a reputation? She'd even gone out of her way to get Teana promoted out of aide status to full agent as fast as possible to cut that tie.

She'd buried her face in the pillow, exhausted, when she heard the tapping at the window. _No, not the window-the glass doors leading out to the balcony_. Curious, she got up.

There was Nanoha.

Fate's stomach clenched sharply, but she slid the door open. It wasn't like she had a choice, after all.

"Nanoha, what are you doing?"

"Eheheh..." she gave a sheepish chuckle, rubbing the back of her neck. "You weren't taking any calls, so I flew up directly. I thought it'd be easier than banging on the door if you were in bed."

"I meant, why are you _here_?" Fate snapped. She was angry at herself, angry at Chrono, so why not Nanoha? Wasn't it _her_ fault when you came down to it? Even if it wasn't something you could rightfully _blame_ her for, even so...

"I was worried about you, Fate-chan! There was something wrong; I could tell, and I figured that you wouldn't want to make a scene in front of Vivio so that's why you stayed quiet."

"There's nothing, Nanoha," she lied smoothly. "I was just tired."

"It's _not_ nothing." Nanoha stepped forward, getting a better look at Fate. "You've been crying!" she exclaimed.

_Had I?_

"Fate-chan, what is it? Whatever's wrong, you can tell me about it. Friends are supposed to help each other through hard times, right?"

She was so earnest and intent about it. Fate knew that she meant every word. Nanoha wasn't stupid; she'd seen that something was wrong with Fate and with her usual determination intended to share the burden, whatever it was, to help Fate in spite of any stubbornness.

And she had _no damned idea_ what the problem was.

That-even though it was exactly what Fate's own lies had been calculated to create-gave the anger its wings.

She grabbed Nanoha by the upper arms and thrust her back against the wall beside the balcony doors.

"We're not _friends_, Nanoha," Fate wielded her voice like she did Bardiche, as a cleaving scythe. Nanoha's brilliant blue eyes were wide and confused, and Fate demonstrated her point by crushing her lips to the other girl's. "We haven't been _friends_ since we were sixteen." She kissed her again, ruthlessly, even brutally, her mouth taking, claiming Nanoha's for its own. It was a kiss born of three years of frustration, a fire born of going without what she'd once had freely. The flame had always been hot between them, and now it seemed an inferno.

Nanoha shivered under her, her back arching, the curves of her body pressing against Fate's. She, too felt it then. Shock had made her freeze at first, but she was starting to respond, almost out of reflex. Her tongue curled against Fate's, and the blonde felt the sudden throb, the sharp clench at the juncture between her legs.

_This is madness!_

As suddenly as she'd claimed Nanoha, she shoved herself away, unable to believe what she'd just done. Was she insane? For her part, Nanoha sagged back against the wall, her face a mask of confusion, her eyes wide and staring.

"Fate...chan..." she said, her voice no louder than a whisper.

"Are you satisfied?" Fate growled. "Now you know what my problem is."

"But...but if you still...then why? Why did you...?"

~X X X~

_She was hanging up her uniform jacket when Nanoha's arms closed around her from behind._

_"Fate-chan! Come to bed."_

_"Nanoha, I need to pack-"_

_Nanoha nipped lightly at Fate's neck, sending sudden tingles through her. Her tongue then flicked soothingly over it, making Fate's knees tremble. The other girl knew every sensitive spot on Fate's body and just how to use them._

_"Mmm, Fate-chan, you're shipping out tomorrow," purred her lover, her breath making Fate's skin tingle. "We might not see each other for _months_! I want to give you something to remember me by."_

_"Nanoha..."_

_It would have been so easy to give in, to give her what she wanted and put off what had to be done until morning. One last time in Nanoha's arms..._

_No. She had to be strong. She couldn't let her body dictate to her._

_"Nanoha."_

_Her hands were working Fate's shirt free from her skirt. Fate dropped her own hands and pulled Nanoha's away._

_"Stop it, Nanoha."_

_"Fate-chan?"_

_She stepped out of the circle of Nanoha's arms and turned to face the brunette._

_"This needs to stop," she repeated._

_"I'm sorry. I guess you really aren't in the mood, huh?"_

_Fate shook her head._

_"No, I don't mean just right now. I mean for good."_

_Nanoha gasped._

_"F-Fate-chan?"_

_"We're growing up now, Nanoha," she said firmly. "You're Vivio's guardian, besides-a mother. This kind of thing is fine as a game among girls, but it's time to put it aside and grow up."_

_Tears welled up in Nanoha's eyes at Fate's harshness, making the blonde waver in her determination. The desire rose up in her to confess her lies, to take her words back, but she fought it off._

_"I thought...but you said that you loved me!"_

_"I do love you, Nanoha. You're my best friend. For the other...girls experiment, don't we? I enjoyed myself, I admit, but...it's time to grow up."_

_"Fate-chan!"_

_Her heart was breaking, but she kept her voice level, without wavering. She had to, or Nanoha would break through that crack in her armor and end it all._

_"I'm sorry if it hurts, Nanoha, but I thought it was important to say it before I left, so you didn't waste your time waiting for me."_

_And then, with a tremendous act of will to keep from shaking, she turned back to her packing and finished the ruthless destruction of her own happiness._

~X X X~

"You mean," Fate shot out as if her words were bullets, "if I still love you, if I still ache to hold you as a woman, if it's driving me mad to be apart from you and making my heart bleed to be away from a child I love as much as I could a real daughter, if all that is true, why was I the one who broke it off with you in the first place and deliberately arranged to be away from Mid-Childa as much as possible? Is that what you're trying to ask?"

Nanoha nodded mutely, the naked pain in Fate's voice silencing her better than a gag.

"I was tired of being second in your heart. I was tired of how in the dead of night you'd reach out for someone to comfort you, and _call Yuuno's name_."


	2. Chapter 2

_I was tired of how in the dead of night you'd reach out for someone to comfort you, and _call Yuuno's name.

Nanoha had left after that. There had been nothing left for her to say. She'd opened her mouth, one or two mewls of protest had come out, and then she'd turned and fled. Fate had flung herself down onto the bed, and when the anger drained away for lack of a target she wept bitter tears into her pillow until, exhausted more from emotion than the late hours, she'd fallen asleep.

The next morning she didn't feel any better. Her sleep had been fitful, broken up by dreams of her life at nine years old, how alone and empty she'd been before Nanoha had come along and brought-no, _forced_-happiness into her existence. _Isn't the truth supposed to set you free?_ she thought as she hauled her body out of bed. Her back and limbs ached, probably from stress, so she staggered over to the shower and let steaming hot water beat down on her at full blast.

It had been another mistake, Fate knew. She should have kept her mouth shut, put Nanoha off-_Ha! Since when can anyone "put Nanoha off" when she's determined on something?_-done _anything_ besides what she'd done. It didn't feel like it, but memories _did_ dim over time, something Fate hadn't realized until now, with the taste of Nanoha's mouth under hers sweet and fresh in her mind.

_I shouldn't have done it_ (how?)-_shouldn't have kissed her_ (how?)-_shouldn't have said anything-_

"How?" she screamed aloud, beating her fists on the shower wall. "God, someone, tell me a way out of this damned mess!"

But of course no one answered her. She was as alone as always.

After a while she got out from under the water and dried herself off, hung up the towel by reflex, and put her clothes back on. They were badly wrinkled from having been slept in, but at this point she just didn't care.

_Ready to face another day,_ she thought bitterly.

There was no way in hell she'd be able to attend the party. Even if she could somehow summon up enough of a poker face to make it through, Nanoha never would, and their friends just wouldn't let that go. That was the problem when people cared for you; they genuinely _wanted_ to help and wouldn't be put off. Only there was nothing any of them could do and explaining _why_...Fate just wasn't capable of that.

She called Chrono and Amy's home, knowing they'd both be out, and left a terse message saying that she wouldn't be able to make it. After she hung up, she looked around the suite. It was attractive and comfortable enough, but it felt like a prison to Fate; the scene with Nanoha was still too fresh in her mind and staying in the room where it happened was like being sealed in with the memory. She had to get out, get away from it all.

"Bardiche," she said.

"Yes, sir," responded her device.

"Don't accept any calls until I let you know. I don't want to be disturbed."

"Privacy mode engaged."

"Thank you."

_Lucky Bardiche_, she thought. _To just be a machine, not have to worry about love and loss and desire, that would be wonderful._ And wasn't it just the bitterest of ironies that that would have been her life as an artificial mage, a tool, an object, were it not for Nanoha? Such cruelty, even if unintended.

Fate left the room, left the hotel, and got her car from the parking lot. She'd picked it up from the garage where she kept it when off-world on the way to Nanoha's and Yuuno's; the sleek black convertible was one of her prized possessions. In its way, being behind the wheel with the power of the high-performance engine at her command, the wind in hair, was better than flying by magic. She didn't really care where she went, just got out onto the road and quickly made her way to the highway where she could open up at high speed. Fate could _feel_ the power of the engine thrumming away, and it was a thrill to control it, to keep that power deftly leashed to her whim by careful movements of the wheel, pedals, and gearshift.

Exactly opposite, in fact, how the power of her own emotions worked.

She drove on for quite a while, not exactly _enjoying_ herself, but at least getting a chance to offset her worries with the pleasure of being behind the wheel. It was about an hour later when she pulled over and stopped outside the city limits, on a winding stretch of road leading up into the hills. The slope was sheer above and below the road, though covered in lush green grass that belied the danger. Fate got out of the car and walked over to the guardrail, looking down at the countryside laid out beneath her.

_Where do I go from here?_ she thought glumly. She had a job that she was good at and believed in; she had people she loved and who cared for her in return. _Hard to believe, isn't it, that my life is so fouled up?_

"Damn you, Nanoha," she whispered aloud. "Why couldn't you just say yes or no?"

"Fate!"

She turned at the sound of her name.

"Yuuno?"

The archaeologist mage descended to the road next to her and adjusted his glasses.

"Yuuno, what are you doing here?"

"Chrono got your message and tried to contact you, but you weren't taking calls. We were worried, so I came after you."

"First Nanoha and now you. Doesn't anyone understand that privacy mode means that I actually want privacy? How did you find me, anyway?"

"Chrono traced your car through the city's traffic net, from where you passed certain automated trackers. He also fixed what would have been three speeding tickets for you while he was doing that, which frankly just added to the decision to send me after you. We're worried about you, Fate, all of us, especially after last night."

"My God, did Nanoha tell _everyone_?"

"No, she only told me. She could hardly avoid it, when she came home looking like someone had died."

"I should have guessed you'd take her side," Fate snapped petulantly. "Is that why you came after me, because of how she's feeling?"

Yuuno nodded.

"That, and I have a better idea of what's going on with you than she does, I think."

"So the winner can understand the loser?" Fate said. "So this is a 'hey, sorry about that, Fate, but you should cheer up; there's other girls out there' speech?"

"_Fate_."

"...Sorry," she sighed. "I...I know that's not what you meant. I'm just feeling a little self-pitying today."

"I know. That's why we thought you shouldn't be alone." His eyes flicked from Fate to the guardrail and she gasped when she realized what he was implying.

"H-hey, Yuuno, I'd never-"

_Really? You'd never?_

"Maybe," he said with a shrug. "You're like that, though. You fall into despair, only to be lifted out of it again with the support of the people who love you. Only you've cut yourself from them and you're killing yourself by inches anyway. Why did you do it, Fate? Why keep it inside all these years? Why didn't you just tell her then?"

"What good would it have done?" she asked. "Nanoha would have just blamed herself. If she thought I was the one who wanted out, then she'd be free to move on. And I was right, too. Within six months of my leaving, she was dating you. You can make her happy in ways that I can...and...and with you, she won't have to worry about all the slurs and insults that stupid jerks would give her about being in a same-sex relationship...and I knew you'd be a great father for Vivio..."

_Damn it, I'm sniffling_, Fate thought, wiping her tears from her eyes. Bad enough she was depressed; did she have to be depressed _and_ maudlin?

"You could have spared yourself three years of suffering. You could have spared your friends, including Nanoha, all that worry. You could have spared Vivio three years of missing her Fate-mama."

"The point was to get her, to get everyone to forget."

Yuuno shook his head.

"That won't happen. You can cut ties of love, but they don't fade out on their own."

Fate brushed her hair back over her ear.

"Yeah, I can see that." _Does it make me a bad person because I'm glad?_ She shook her head, clearing the doubts that had momentarily surfaced. "Look, Yuuno, I appreciate what you're trying to do-"

"Stop it!" he snapped, raising his voice for the first time.

"I will not!" she shouted right back. "Yuuno, you're a good man, a good father, and a good friend, but you'll excuse me if I don't want to talk about this with the man who _has everything I walked away from!_"

"Is _that_ what you think?"

"It's a little hard not to think it, _Yuuno-papa_."

He winced at that one.

"No, Fate, all we did was switch places. Again," he said softly.

"What?"

He looked up at her.

"Why do you think that I took the post as librarian of the Infinite Library?"

_Wait...He's not saying that...?_

And all of a sudden Fate realized just why she'd caught him more than once with glances that seemed so _knowing_ the night before. She stared at him in disbelief, green eyes meeting red.

Then she started to laugh. It was high, shrill and brittle with more, much more than just a trace of hysteria in it. She sagged against the guardrail, gripping its chest-high top to keep her balance, still laughing. And after thirty seconds or so of staring at her, Yuuno, too, got the joke and joined in.

The storm ended about five minutes later with Fate gasping for breath, tears streaming down her face-and the first genuine smile she could remember in far, far too long.

"We're a prize pair, aren't we?" she said, her voice choked.

Yuuno adjusted his glasses again, then came up beside her. He leaned up against the rail, arms folded, and after a moment she mimicked his pose, both looking down at where the city's edge thinned out into the countryside. It was easier, not having to look at him; perhaps he felt the same.

"Asking ourselves the same questions, feeling the same love, the same loneliness...yes, I suppose we are."

"It's true, then? You became the librarian because you wanted to get away from Midchilda?"

"Mm-hm. I knew that as an instructor, Nanoha would be permanently assigned here. I thought that if I didn't have to see her, it would be easier to forget."

"But you didn't."

Silence for a moment. Fate glanced in his direction and caught the last movement of a shrug.

"No, but I was happy enough."

Fate sighed.

"I can't imagine that."

"No, you wouldn't. I've thought something was wrong before now, more than once."

"You never said anything."

"No, I didn't. But then again, I'm not as proud as you," he answered, his voice soft and tinged with bitterness.

"Proud?"

Abruptly, he changed the subject.

"I know everything you said when you broke things off with Nanoha," he said. "It was the first time I'd seen her since you'd left her, and I'd happened to mention your name casually-something about it being hard on Vivio with one mother working and the other deployed far from home, I think. The next moment, she'd flung her arms around me and was sobbing out the entire story, how you'd basically dismissed everything you are to each other as schoolgirl fun and games."

_Are_, she thought, not _were_. Had he used the present tense on purpose? It was certainly true enough for Fate.

"And do you know what?" he continued. "I was _glad_. The woman I care for more than anyone was weeping about how you'd broken her heart, and I was _happy_, because it meant you weren't there to cut me out. I'd left her once already because what she felt for me couldn't stand up to what she felt for you. But now there wasn't any Fate in the picture, and I was the one, the only one, who she'd poured her heart out to. So I tried my very best to be the one for her."

"It couldn't have been too hard," Fate said. "She still had feelings for you even when she and I were living together."

"She has feelings for you now, when she and I are living together. You don't think I didn't know that? Nanoha would be furious at you for abandoning her, lying to her like you did and for doing such damage to yourself if you hadn't made it so clear that you felt like she'd driven you to it. It's like you just broke up with her all over again. You know how she values being honest and open with feelings, and she feels like she broke her own rule."

"Didn't she?"

"I'm not trying to argue guilt."

"I'm sorry I hurt her. And I'm not," she admitted, because part of her was glad that she'd been able to return a measure of her own suffering to its source.

"I'd hoped that you'd meant it," Yuuno said, and Fate realized then that he'd never actually changed the subject at all. "At first I said, 'Fate doesn't love Nanoha as a woman, so it doesn't matter.' Then, when I started to suspect what you were hiding, it became, 'Maybe I'm wrong; maybe I'm reading too much into it because of Nanoha's feelings.' Then, when I couldn't ignore it any more, I told myself, 'Fate has her own reasons for not wanting to be involved; it's her decision.' So I closed my eyes to how badly you were hurting, until now, because I wanted to keep what I had. Like I said, I'm not as proud as you are. I was willing to be second in Nanoha's heart if it meant being first in her life. I'd already walked out once and regretted it, you see."

"Yeah," Fate replied. "Yes, I do see."

"I won't do it again, Fate. If Nanoha says she'd rather be with you, that's her choice, but I won't make it for her."

"She won't do that. She wouldn't have put over two years into your relationship if she didn't love you. And there's Vivio to think of, besides." Fate smiled sadly. "She calls you 'papa' now."

"She still calls you 'mama,'" Yuuno sent back.

They looked at one another. It wasn't an angry look they shared, more one of resignation. Each one of them had tried to cut their ties with the woman they both loved and each had failed miserably. Yuuno had come running back at his first chance, and Fate had nearly destroyed herself. Maybe it was a good thing that the truth had come out between the three of them. Fate felt empty, utterly drained.

_But isn't that better than where I was before?_

She didn't know.

"So where does this leave us? Look her in the eye and tell her to stop cutting us to pieces and pick someone?"

"Don't you think she would if she could? When she was with you, there was part of her that wanted to be with me. And I know she's never given up on you, either, Fate-san. Why do you think she's feeling so guilty right now? She knows she's hurt the people she loves the most through her own indecision."

"And what does it do to a child to have her parents fighting among themselves over who makes up her family?" Fate said. Vivio made an already complex situation so much worse, because whatever happened would end up spilling over on her. Remembering how the girl had been so excited to see her when she'd walked in the night before, she added, "You're right about her. I though she would substitute you for me, a father for one mother, but instead she just sort of added you on. Maybe it's because Nanoha didn't want her hurt any more when she'd already had so much pain in her life, so she protected her from knowing about our breakup, or maybe because I didn't love Vivio any less. But she's older now, too old to keep things hidden from her."

"Fate..." Yuuno began, then broke off.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wonder...if maybe it's Vivio who's _right_?"

"Right about what?"

"Her family."

He had this weird, embarrassed little grin on his face, like whatever he was saying was so silly he didn't really feel comfortable saying it. _Wait a minute-he can't seriously be suggesting-?_

"_Both_ of us?"

He rubbed his hand through his hair, wavering beneath her incredulous gaze.

_I'm not as proud as you are._ Fate figured that he had to be telling the truth, if he could suggest something like _that_.

"I'm sorry. Forget I said anything, okay?"

_But is where we are right now any better?_

"No. Tell me more. Why?"

He blinked in surprise, then like the scholar he was began ticking off the points on his fingertips.

"I love Nanoha. You love Nanoha. Nanoha loves the both of us. That's pretty much been the case since before any of us even knew what adult love was. You and I are still, somehow, friends. Vivio thinks of all of us as her parents, and we all see her as our child."

There _had_ to be something wrong with that.

Didn't there?

Nanoha wasn't going to just stop loving Yuuno. That was what Fate wanted, but she wasn't going to get it. But...she wasn't going to just stop loving Fate either.

_Am I really considering this?_

She found, to her surprise, that she was.

"I..." She licked her lips nervously. "I'm not sure I can do this, but...I'm willing to try. For Nanoha and Vivio's sake." _And for mine._

She pushed off the rail and walked back towards her parked car, then stopped when she got to the door.

"Just for the record," she added, grinning at Yuuno, "I don't kiss ferrets."

"At least not boy ferrets," he replied.

~X X X~

"I'm home!"

She said it reflexively. The door opened, she walked inside, and the announcement left Fate Testarossa Harlaown's lips.

_Because I am._

~X X X~

_A/N: Let the ferret-bashing begin!_

_All kidding aside, though, this fic was suggested to me by Vivio, as I suggested in the summary. Given the amount of ship-tease (particularly NanoFate ship-tease) the various Nanoha series play with, I can't believe it's coincidence that Nanoha adopts a daughter...with blond hair (like Fate and Yuuno), with one green eye (like Yuuno) and one red eye (like Fate). The girl's a walking metaphor for her mother's relationship conflicts!_

~X X X~

**Vivio's Magical Omake Theater!**

"Squeak!"

"Oh, how cute!" Fate exclaimed, seeing the tiny mammal wrinkling its nose. Her mood changed quickly when it looked up at the sound of her voice and she saw it's heterochromatic red and green eyes. "Nanoha...what's going on here?"

Nanoha blushed, tapping her fingers together in a nervous little gesture.

"Well, um, Vivio's been trying to copy her Fate-mama's Sonic Form, but every time she tries it, she...er...ends up turning into a hedgehog..."


End file.
